~Noel Coward
How do you take criticism? Do you seek constructive criticism and if so where do you go to get it? How are you at giving criticism, particularly to someone you know and are friends with?
All these questions are at the forefront of my thinking as I struggle through revisions on the memoir and work on my short stories. I have let a few select people read the memoir in its current form. And while they have it I worry, and fret, and worry some more. What if they don't like it? Will they be honest if they hate it and think it stupid? And what will I do about it?
My editor, Sally is also my friend and mentor. I know in my head that her suggestions about revision are in my best interest. Doesn't seem to change my reaction much. I know this about myself, someone criticizes, even constructively and my first instinct is to get defensive, to try to explain what they clearly aren't getting. I often have to let her comments sit for a while, to let them settle until there is less emotional attachment to them, then I usually find she's right. I have at times argued for my point and at times she has decided I'm right, or at least I'm not so wrong that it is worth the argument, but usually she's right, thats why she's the editor.
I recently sent off the first 100 or so pages to a friend to read. I trust her, I know she is well read, I know she is smart and I know she cares about my feelings. Her initial reaction to the first few pages was positive. I was feeling great. Then I didn't hear anything else, for days and days. I began to panic. Did she hate it and now was too afraid to tell me? Should I ask? Should I just let it all go? I asked. She has a life, she's busy, she has kids ... okay so I was being a little nuts about it. Now I worry that I have made her a little nervous to give constructive criticism for fear I'll really go off the deep end. Don't worry my friend, I'll try to keep my neurosis in check.
There is the flip side to that coin as well. When you have a friend, how do you try to point someone towards help without hurting his or her feelings? If you know someone could use an editor, or a creative writing coach, or a class, how do you say it without making that seeming condescending or rude?
Where does the responsibility lie? When have you pushed too hard and butted into something not your business?
How do you handle criticism, both giving and receiving?
I'm with Mr. Coward on this one; criticize away as long as it is unqualified praise. Just kidding ... kind of.
I find as a writer you have to learn to take criticism in order to grow. But it's not easy especially in the early days. Never mind the early days, even now criticism can sting. I work on turning the criticism to a positive - if there's value, removing or amending that element in my writing and in future writing. Take it as a learning experience. Giving criticism is more difficult - I always try to mix a positive with the negative and throw in a couple of positives for good measure :)
ReplyDeleteCriticism will always be there whether you're waiting to be published or after you're published. Just remember that everyone has their own opinion & they have different qualifications. When seeking people to read your work, & they are readers, not writers or editors, they can often give you valid criticism. Ultimately, it does help you look at your ms. in a different way.
ReplyDeleteAs Ryshia commented above, it is a learning experience. How you take it, or don't take it, is ultimately up to you.
Very interesting post, Julie. When we send our work out into the world, it sometimes feels like we've stripped ourselves naked. It can be a very uncomfortable feeling. I think letting the criticism (constructive) sit for a time is a great idea. It can help you work through the initial emotional reaction. Then you can better decide whether it is something to heed or not. I'm not very good at giving constructive criticism, either, despite my years as an editor. I try to put myself in the writer's shoes--what would I need to hear? What will help? What will hurt? It's tough, and I'm a work in progress in both the giving and receiving of criticism.
ReplyDeleteOh I know this feeling and after having a family member and a friend read my first draft I went through the same thing. First positive then nothing. Honestly I have been given the most honest critiques from virtual strangers (blog friends) and from my friends at "She Writes".
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a chance please visit my blog I have an award for you!
This is such a great post, Julie. My husband and I critique each others work - not always to the benefit of our marriage!
ReplyDeleteMeg