Making Progress

Felt like I should let you know how I'm doing since I made myself accountable to all of you for getting down to the business of writing.

So far, so good. Sometimes sure seems like 7:00 a.m. comes early, especially for a retired person. (In reality, retired has little to do with it, lazy may be a better description.) But I have been writing, a few new  ideas for stories or what may later become more than just a story ... who knows.

One other thing I did was I entered a contest. It is called the "Dear Lucky Agent" contest and it is sponsored by the Guide to Literary Agents. The contest entry deadline is end of tomorrow but if anyone else is interested in entering here is the link: http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/Dear+Lucky+Agent+Contest+Memoir+And+Narrative+Nonfiction.aspx

I should find out in a couple of weeks how I did, had to submit the first 200 words of my manuscript. You would be surprised how few words that is in relation to the entire manuscript. Keeping my fingers crossed. The prize for this contest? If I win, an agent will read and critique the first 25 pages of my manuscript. That may not seem like much for a 200+ page manuscript but to have a professional agent look at it is huge. You never know what might come of it all.

In the meantime I am spending some time in Philadelphia, my father just moved here from California and is moving in to an apartment close to downtown on the 8th so I thought maybe I could help some.

Any good luck you want to send my way would be most appreciated.

It is cold here in Philly, a balmy 18 degrees today, but then back in Nashville they have snow .... about 4-6 inches of the stuff. Maybe I picked a good time to be away.

Can I Vent About the Marine Corps?

Can I vent a little about the USMC?

My son is a Marine.

I absolutely adore my son. I mean really, look at him, pretty handsome devil isn’t he?

He is in the USMC Reserves out of Lynchburg, Virginia.

He returned recently from a deployment in Iraq. He and his friends who went on this deployment served honorably, in a war zone. They all came home safely, fortunately.

Okay so now I want to vent about the Marine Corps. However, let me start by apologizing if you will. My opinions are my own and if you are wondering, no, I did not go and do a bunch of research about this issue, I am basing it on the limited information I have received from my son and others in the Corps.

First off, my son returned in October, was on active duty until the first of December. When he left on his deployment, he changed his address to one in Tennessee as he gave up an apartment etc., in Virginia, and his sister acted as his power of attorney while he was gone.

When he returned, his plan was to finish his active duty time with his unit, and then head west, first to visit me and his sister in Tennessee, then continue west to spend time with his dad and other friends and family in California.

This is how it apparently works … when he got back and was still on active duty he did not have a home in Virginia. He chose not to get an apartment since his plan was to be gone for over a month traveling and visiting family for the holidays and beyond. He needed to be back in Virginia for his first Drill weekend in February. So, the Marines, because his address was over 50 miles from his unit, put him up in a hotel. He was also allowed a per-diem for food during this time. The Marines however, don’t pay the per-diem up front; they reimburse the Marine for it.

Brendan was supposed to receive his final paycheck from his deployment that included all his per-diem pay and any other final payments on December 10. He arrived in Tennessee in late November in time for Thanksgiving, then left to head west with three of his fellow Marines with him.

December 10 came and went without pay. It seems someone back at his unit had made an error on paperwork that had been submitted for their pay. The paperwork was returned, apparently corrected and resubmitted. Unfortunately it seems, there was still some problem and the paperwork was returned a second time. It was again resubmitted but this time was past some deadline, which is in place so the young men were told they would now be paid January 10.

As is the way government often works, it seems nothing can get done outside of the government’s schedule.

Now I’m sure you can see where this may be going; by the end of December these boys have now been home for two months but not yet paid. I can only assume that the paycheck they received before coming home was actually sometime in October so I’m betting it has actually been three months since they have been paid.

The guys did all they could through their own chain of command to try and speed the process. Their bills went unpaid or were late, or they were forced to borrow money in order to keep their heads above water.

January 10th came and went, and still no pay. Between the Marine Corps and the civilian agency that has something to do with processing the reservists pay there is plenty of finger pointing about whose fault it is.

I don’t really care who is at fault. I am angry. Not just for my son who has gone without pay but for any service member who has gone to war for this country and now we can’t seem to find a way to pay them? In addition, it doesn’t look like anyone in the government is going to do anything to help them repair damaged credit because the United States Government can’t pay them!!!!!!

This is bullshit. Sorry it just is. Someone should be finding a way to issue a check from wherever it has to come from, today, immediately to get these service members paid.

But, this was not my first gripe about how these returning reservists get treated. So since I’m venting, might as well continue huh?

Brendan wanted to return to school. He has his Bachelor’s degree (in Philosophy and Religion)but very much wanted to get his Masters Degree in Civil Engineering (which obviously goes well with his MOS of a Combat Engineer).

This is exactly what the GI Bill is for, right?

Well, not so fast.

In order to get the full benefit of the GI Bill, the service member must have the requisite number of months of active duty. Therefore, in order for my son to have his education paid for by the GI Bill he would have to have 36 months of active duty.

That doesn’t seem so difficult, let’s see, 3 months of boot camp, 3 months of MOS school, then he was put on active duty a few months before deployment to prepare, then his actual deployment … well that must be 18 months right there, right? Wrong.

The government doesn’t consider his time at boot camp or MOS school active duty time. So now he has what, 12 months of active duty time. In order for him to receive the maximum school benefit (which by the way is most likely the only way he could do it since he is paying off huge school loans already for his undergraduate studies), he will have to probably be activated and deployed two more times.

As a mother I would prefer not, thank you.

But as an American I look and see that he has been in the Marines now for two years of a six year contract, and now in order to get to use the GI Bill he will have to be deployed two more times in the next four years? For reservists it seems active duty time usually means a deployment; I don’t think reservists are usually put on active duty to stay stateside. That is a whole lot of time being deployed.

Now, I really think the GI Bill is a wonderful idea and I completely support the idea that if you are in the military you can receive GI Bill benefits to go to school, anyone in the military. Please understand I am not thinking that someone else should not receive the benefit and my son should. But someone who joins a branch of the military as a “regular”, they are considered “active duty” throughout their time in the military. Therefore, they then, could spend three years behind a desk, never being deployed or going to some place not in a war zone and get the full GI Bill benefit, go to school for free. And my son and his fellow reservists who went to Iraq or those who went to or are in Afghanistan can’t until they get three years of active duty time?

Something is wrong with this picture. I think that any service member who is deployed to a war zone should automatically receive the maximum education benefit allowed so that while not deployed they can further their education.

There are many government programs I would prefer not to foot the bill for, this is one I am more than willing for my tax dollars to support.

I’m just sayin ….

Okay, I’m done venting, for now.

I'm going to be a writer ....

… and this time I really mean it.

No, really, I’m going to do this.

Okay, I’ve been saying this for how long?

Since I finished the draft of the memoir and am now giving it to the editor, that means I have to let go of it.

I’m not very good at letting go. I have this desire to just check it over one more time and tweak just a couple more things. But, that is counter-productive, so I know I just have to let it go and walk away, until she gives it back.

So in the meantime I’m supposed to be writing something else, right? I’ve told you all I would, I told myself I would. So what is the problem?

Well, I can come up with about a million other things to do than sit down and just write. Yeah, that fear thing is there, don’t want to write badly so why write at all, there are so many things I want to read, my room could use a good cleaning … you get the idea.

The most common kind of advice given is to write every day. Even if it is crappy writing, do it anyway, make writing a habit. You know, from the way I talk you would think I don’t like writing at all, I make it sound so hard and like such mundane work.

Hard to explain, but I love writing. It I think is just this weird thing to me now, now that I want to call myself a writer I have somehow attached all these rules and things to writing, like that it has to be writing for a purpose, you know, either a book or an article, to sell, something worthwhile that others would want to read. My biggest rule seems to be that it has to be good. Why? No clue. Type A personality perhaps?

In reality, I kind of lost sight of what I loved about writing to begin with, just writing, off the top of my head, for no other reason than I enjoyed it.

So that is what I want to get back to, because I do think that I have the ability to write things that others might want to read, I just gotta stop thinking that is the only writing I can do. I can do any kind I want, even lousy writing just for the fun of it.

So, this is the plan….

In case you are wondering, do you realize how I am using you all as my conscience? I figure if I tell you what my plan is then I become somewhat accountable to all of you to do what I said I was going to do. Not that any of you really cares whether I follow through or not, but humor me here, pretend as if you do.

So anyway, back to the plan …

I am going to schedule time every morning to write.

Butt in the chair, sign on the door, phone off, and I WILL NOT log into the internet.

My computer has this cute little thing where I get a little prompt in the bottom right corner of my computer screen telling me when I have an e-mail. Definitely have to keep that turned off every morning. If I allow myself to check one e-mail I already know it will then become clicking the link to look at one news story or someone’s blog and then before you know it I have spent my entire scheduled writing time, not writing but goofing off on the internet.

So be forewarned, do not call between seven and nine in the morning, I am writing. I’ll call you back when I get home from the gym, or maybe in the car on the way to the gym.

If I reply to an e-mail from you and I have done so between seven and nine you have my permission to whack me on the back of the head.

Do we have a deal? Okay, so I have made myself accountable to you for doing what I said I would do, anything I can do to help you? I have nothing but time …. well except for between seven and nine in the morning.

My Dogs are Human Whisperers

I think maybe I’m spending too much time with the dogs.

I’ve showed you pictures of my dog Bodhi but will again because he is the coolest dog ever. He is an Akita/Golden Retriever Mix.

My housemate has two dogs, a female Boston Terrier named Ollie and a male ______ terrier (insert appropriate breed(s), I have no clue) named Zephyr (affectionately called Zephy). Personally, he reminds me of "Alf", same hair do.

The little dogs are nice enough to me, although there are times when they act like devil spawn. They don’t like strangers much, particularly male strangers, have been known to nip at more than one.

But, dogs being dogs, they get bored. The little dogs don’t like being outside that much, especially when it is cold and boy has it been cold. Bodhi kinda likes the cold, but then the Akita in him is made for that kind of weather.

So, I sit and do whatever it is I am doing (usually something of little or no consequence, TV, reading, writing, playing). The dogs yip and yap and want to go out. I let them out the back door and within seconds Ollie comes running back in pushing the door open as she does so.

A few minutes later Zephy follows. Then with the door open the house gets cold and I get up to coax Bodhi back into the house.

Twenty minutes later the whole process starts again. They are dogs, what else they gonna do?

But, I find myself just getting annoyed, up and down, door gets pushed open, it gets cold, get the dogs in, warm up the house and out they want to go again.

Why do I think I am spending too much time with them?

I start to treat them as if they are human, and I talk to them.

Okay, lots of people talk to their pets. When I realized last night though, as I wrangled the pooches back into the house for what seemed like the millionth time I was saying, “Thank you for coming in when I called”. Out loud, mind you.

Then I proceed to continue a conversation, “Okay, now everybody go lie down. Good dogs.” Twenty minutes later they are yipping, at the door and Bodhi is pawing at me like he’s gonna burst if I don’t let him out that very minute. Again, I’m reasoning with him, a dog. “Buddy, you just went out, I know you don’t really need to go out again, can you wait a minute?” He paws a few more times til I’m finally tired of not being able to convince the dogs that I am the leader of this pack and I get up and open the door again to let them out.

I secretly think they are laughing at me. Between them they are having a conversation something to the effect of “Okay guys, wait til she’s comfortable again, wait ….. wait ….., okay now, let’s make her get up and let us out, this is gonna be fun.” And they go outside and laugh. “Okay it’s been about a minute, go ahead Ollie go back in, leave the door open, Zephy you follow about 30 seconds later”.

Now which is worse, that I speak out loud to the dogs as if they were humans, or that I think the dogs are laughing at me and conspiring to make me crazy while they laugh.

I gotta get a life.

Vacation and Home Again

Wow, I feel like I dropped off the face of the earth for a while.


It feels like I haven’t written in months.

No, I mean it feels like I haven’t written anything, and in reality it has been more like weeks.

But, I’m back. Belize was wonderful. For one thing, it was 85 degrees on land and 82 degrees in the water, now how can you complain about that? Especially when back home in Nashville it was in the teens and twenties.

It rained sporadically while we were there, thundershowers, but when we weren’t already wet in the ocean, we were wetting our insides at one of any local bars or restaurants. The Belizean people were wonderful. I didn’t go on any of the extra excursions that were offered, monetary reasons. However, I spent a week relaxing and getting to know a wonderful group of fellow divers that I hope I will be friends with for a long time.

The pictures included here are not ones that I took, well except for the one of the dive boat -- I took that one. The other pictures I took are still stuck on a memory card, but that’s another story, hopefully I’ll have them to post someday soon. Dr. John Munro, a local dentist, and amazing photographer and wonderful person, took all the other pictures. Thank you John for allowing me to use your pictures here.

So before you ask, yes we dove with Nurse Sharks, they were amazing, docile and at one point, I even got to pet one. I wasn’t as thrilled with the Green Moray Eel, but it still is amazing to see.

So about the writing ….

About three weeks ago, I did just a tiny bit of tweaking to the manuscript of the book. I feel I have done all I can at this point so at the beginning of next month I write the check to the editor for her services. Her original edit may only take a couple of weeks so then I fix what needs fixin’ and then I think I get to try and find an agent and send my work out into the world. Can you tell that I am already in a panic?

So the rules, if you will, for being a writer, (which is what I call myself, remember?): The rules are that you should write every day. Doesn’t have to be a story, or on a book, it just has to be writing of some type …even a blog post counts. There are all kinds of things that people use to get their creative juices flowing, the help them get story ideas.

So why haven’t I written anything in several weeks?

I can only chalk it up to fear, mortal fear.

I have had a couple story ideas. But remember that pesky internal critic I have talked about? Pesky hardly describes it these days. I’m thinking I’m just gonna give it a name so I can call it something … I think I’ll call it FIC. Okay, not very original but describes it well enough .... F*#%ING INTERNAL CRITIC.

I can have whole conversations in my head all about how I can’t write anything that anyone will consider worth reading, that I will write that one thing, my memoir, and nothing else and maybe that one thing won’t even be published. I fret over am I trying to write a novel? A short story? A magazine piece? A poem?

Then there is nothing, it is as if I am frozen. Afraid FIC is right, afraid I will fail at what I have started.

I have gotten advice, from people who know these things about ways to get going again, things to start me writing again, creatively and I’m going to do whatever it takes because despite the fear I truly do believe I have more in me to write.

In the meantime, I am afraid I might have to go out and start looking for a part time job again to pay for some more travel; that just can’t be beat.