Some Good Stuff .... Some Not So Good Stuff

Before I “spring forward”, I’ll get a bit caught up on what has been happening.

Yes, once again I feel the need to apologize for lack of consistent blog posts. But, I have a good excuse, kind of …. I got a job! I got a job at Home Depot as a cashier. No, not my plans for a second career, but a way to make a little bit of money for the fun stuff I want to do and to be out amongst the living where I might meet new friends, have adult conversation and not only be talking to my dogs.

The book.  I got it back from my Editor. It was hard, harder than I had hoped to see all those marks all over the page. I had to take about a week to digest what she had written and all the changes she had suggested. It took some time. What I had to really do was to get my ego out of the way, and then it got a little easier.

So now I am revising – that is a slow process. But worth it, I’m sure.

I have decided that my timing for when I get this book done and hopefully published may be rather fortuitous. I have recently learned of several incidents that have occurred in the county where I worked in law enforcement. They are all related, in some fashion, to ethical behavior and ethical leadership or lack thereof in law enforcement agencies. And although my memoir is about me, my life and my career, it also has a lot to do with those very same issues. So I am hopeful, that my memoir may find an audience hungry to understand what happens in law enforcement and how some people deal with it.

I have been contemplating the idea for this blog post for a few days now. I've decided to go for it. I certainly am not an expert on relationships but I'm really finding myself more and more disheartened.

I know of several people who are in the midst of divorce or break up of what they thought was a serious relationship, and what they believed was a relationship worth saving. I know, that is nothing new, happens every day.

I am finding that the older I get, the less I understand and have patience for people who hurt each other, knowingly and for no other real reason it seems than they can. Divorce is never fun, nor is it easy, but it also doesn’t have to be this ugly. In a couple of instances, both partners agreed they needed to work on their marriage; there were problems. But in both cases, one partner has made the unilateral decision to be done and has acted in ways that preclude it ever getting fixed. Okay, that happens, and although sad, a fact of life.

What I don’t understand though is when the partner who has made the decision and who has behaved in ways that forever ruin the chances of reconciliation that same partner is doing everything in their power to “ruin” the other, both emotionally and financially. The other partner? They just want it to end so that they can move on.

Don’t get me wrong, no one should stay in a relationship where they are abused, physically or emotionally. I saw plenty of relationships where it was imperative that it end, for the health and safety of all involved.  No one party is ever the only one at fault when a relationship fails. But, if your relationship fails, then get out; try to do so with some dignity and respect for both people.

But these relationships I’m talking about now are not abusive relationships. They are marriages that ran into trouble, they are ending now by mutual consent and still one partner insists on dragging the process out, on holding onto or taking property just so the other won’t have it. They are trying to drag the name and reputation of the other through the mud. Do these people really think they “win” by doing so?

In another instance, not a marriage, but a serious longstanding relationship one partner chose to behave in a way that ruined the relationship, forever. Not because it was a troubled relationship to begin with but it appears, because he could. He seemed to think that it was all about him and what he wanted and made him happy. I unfortunately think this is becoming more and more common.

All these instances are beginning to make me wonder. Is this how we as humans are evolving? Is this the behaviors we are teaching our kids, that it is okay to lie if it makes your life easier? Are we teaching them that it is okay to hurt another person just because you can, so you can feel superior or so you can try to make yourself and others believe you are somehow a victim? It makes me sad and tired. It also makes me less optimistic that I will ever again have a strong loving relationship with someone because people aren’t willing to do the work involved in building a healthy and happy relationship.

I know, I sound naïve and I’m not. I just find that I have less and less tolerance for people who lie, who treat others badly and particularly when they do so to people they claimed to have loved. You want out of your relationship or your marriage? Okay, go. You don’t need to leave your ex destitute financially or emotionally, because even though you might think so now, it really won’t make you feel better in the end. In trying, you are only prolonging the fight and if you want out so badly why would you want to do that? You want out, go and start your life again and let your ex do the same. Truly, in all the effort you put in to making your ex feel miserable you are only making yourself miserable too.

Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox. To my friends who are enduring it, I am sorry for you. I hope that the fight ends soon so that you can grieve then begin to heal.

Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead an hour. Best thing – we are only a week away from Spring, yippppeeee!!!

Citius Altius Fortius

The Olympic motto. Translation: Swifter, Higher, Stronger.

I’m usually more of a summer Olympics kind of gal. It just seems there are so many more sports that I enjoy watching. I like the winter Olympics too. I’ve long been a fan of ice-skating. But I was often bored with cross-country skiing, the biathalon, the Nordic combined, I mean really, in what reality should ski jumping and cross country skiing be combined? I’m still trying to figure out how those who decide these things can figure that Women’s Softball should not be an Olympic sport but Curling should. Really?

Okay, I’ll admit it; I watched far more curling than any human really should. I’m not even sure why but I watched anyway.

This year I watched a lot of the Olympics. I cringe usually when they give “the medal count”. I’m not trying to be unpatriotic, I love it when one of our athletes does particularly well, wins a medal and I can even get a little choked up to watch the athlete as our national anthem is played while they receive their gold medal. But, is who has the most medals really the most important?

However, I also love to see an amazing performance, no matter what country they are from. You just can’t deny, that little girl from South Korea who won the Women’s Figure Skating gold medal was incredible, and as they talked about the pressure on her to win and her own journaling and comments about how she was afraid that her countrymen would turn on her were she not to win. Wow.

And the sheer courage of Joannie Rochette to skate at all, much less so well after her mother’s sudden death?

Moreover, I really love it when some athlete wins a medal for their country for the first time in history, like those American boys who won in Nordic Combined, or that first South Korean medal ever in figure skating, how amazing for the athlete and their country.

What I was most struck by this year though was really what I considered the Olympic spirit. It is a competition, I get that, but I watched American athletes handle their victories, and their defeats, with more humility and grace than ever before.

There were a couple of instances that made me swell a little with pride. I watched Evan Lysacek skate in both his short and long program.  I heard interviews with Evgeni Plushenko as he repeatedly declared that you can’t win gold without a quadruple jump in your program. At least one shouldn’t, according to Plushenko. Well, it seems that performing a routine flawlessly, with grace and beauty and artistry, even without a quadruple is more deserving of the gold than not.  But, really, what was best was listening to Lysacek during the interviews.

Now I’m a Bob Costas fan and as a host, he does better than many, but I wanted to reach through the TV and smack him when he kept trying to goad Lysacek into saying something bad about Plushenko, or argue with Plushenko. Instead, Lysacek spoke of how he skated his absolute best, how Plushenko was amazing and skated his best and how what Plushenko did (returning after a 3-year absence from the sport) was incredible. Lysacek never said a bad word about anyone or anything. In the end, Lysacek just showed what it means to win with humility and respect for his fellow competitors.

Then there was Bode Miller. I remember him four years ago; many considered his lack of medals then a failure. C’mon folks he was in the Olympics! A disappointment I’ll agree, probably mostly to him. But even back then, I felt like his attitude was … kind of snarky.

This year however, even Bode Miller showed maturity and humility as he medaled not once but three times in these games.

Really though, how can you not love these Winter Olympics when you have those gleeful snowboarders and skiers.

Then there is Apolo Anton Ohno.  Short track speed skating, fast, chaotic and when perfect … graceful. I watched all of Ohno’s races. He reveled in his accomplishments, the most decorated winter Olympian in U.S. history. Although he obviously trained and tried his hardest for gold medals in all his events, there was no disappointment in silver or bronze.

I watched the race in which his competitor apparently either pushed him or at least put his hand on Ohno causing Apolo to lose all his speed. When interviewed, Ohno didn’t even realize it, and when he did there were not recriminations for his opponent, nor did he whine about what coulda, woulda, or shoulda happened. He was pleased with his performance.

When in a later race Ohno was disqualified for much the same behavior (putting his hand on the hip of an opponent), I held my breath as Ohno described how he felt he shouldn’t have been disqualified. I waited for the whining, or the complaining about the judges who make decisions. I was a little disappointed that Ohno didn’t admit he had done very similarly to an opponent what one had done to him in an earlier race. (Some argue that the difference between the two incidents is that when Ohno touched his opponent, his opponent fell and in the earlier instance, Ohno did not.) But, in the end, despite his disappointment in not being in the finals he showed grace in admitting that such was the nature of short track speed skating and he had given it his all. Isn’t that all that anyone can ask?

A friend suggested I become a fan of Ohno’s on Facebook during these games and I did. I also then began to follow him on Twitter. Why, you might ask. Because Apolo’s attitude, his joy in competing, his general just great outlook on his sport, his life and his future are infectious. Just look at his smile. How can you not like that?

In my opinion, Apolo Anton Ohno, Evan Lysacek, Joannie Rochette, Shaun White, Marai Nagasu,  Yu-Na Kim  and countless other athletes reminded us what the Olympics are really supposed to be about.