Before I “spring forward”, I’ll get a bit caught up on what has been happening.
Yes, once again I feel the need to apologize for lack of consistent blog posts. But, I have a good excuse, kind of …. I got a job! I got a job at Home Depot as a cashier. No, not my plans for a second career, but a way to make a little bit of money for the fun stuff I want to do and to be out amongst the living where I might meet new friends, have adult conversation and not only be talking to my dogs.
The book. I got it back from my Editor. It was hard, harder than I had hoped to see all those marks all over the page. I had to take about a week to digest what she had written and all the changes she had suggested. It took some time. What I had to really do was to get my ego out of the way, and then it got a little easier.
So now I am revising – that is a slow process. But worth it, I’m sure.
I have decided that my timing for when I get this book done and hopefully published may be rather fortuitous. I have recently learned of several incidents that have occurred in the county where I worked in law enforcement. They are all related, in some fashion, to ethical behavior and ethical leadership or lack thereof in law enforcement agencies. And although my memoir is about me, my life and my career, it also has a lot to do with those very same issues. So I am hopeful, that my memoir may find an audience hungry to understand what happens in law enforcement and how some people deal with it.
I have been contemplating the idea for this blog post for a few days now. I've decided to go for it. I certainly am not an expert on relationships but I'm really finding myself more and more disheartened.
I know of several people who are in the midst of divorce or break up of what they thought was a serious relationship, and what they believed was a relationship worth saving. I know, that is nothing new, happens every day.
I am finding that the older I get, the less I understand and have patience for people who hurt each other, knowingly and for no other real reason it seems than they can. Divorce is never fun, nor is it easy, but it also doesn’t have to be this ugly. In a couple of instances, both partners agreed they needed to work on their marriage; there were problems. But in both cases, one partner has made the unilateral decision to be done and has acted in ways that preclude it ever getting fixed. Okay, that happens, and although sad, a fact of life.
What I don’t understand though is when the partner who has made the decision and who has behaved in ways that forever ruin the chances of reconciliation that same partner is doing everything in their power to “ruin” the other, both emotionally and financially. The other partner? They just want it to end so that they can move on.
Don’t get me wrong, no one should stay in a relationship where they are abused, physically or emotionally. I saw plenty of relationships where it was imperative that it end, for the health and safety of all involved. No one party is ever the only one at fault when a relationship fails. But, if your relationship fails, then get out; try to do so with some dignity and respect for both people.
But these relationships I’m talking about now are not abusive relationships. They are marriages that ran into trouble, they are ending now by mutual consent and still one partner insists on dragging the process out, on holding onto or taking property just so the other won’t have it. They are trying to drag the name and reputation of the other through the mud. Do these people really think they “win” by doing so?
In another instance, not a marriage, but a serious longstanding relationship one partner chose to behave in a way that ruined the relationship, forever. Not because it was a troubled relationship to begin with but it appears, because he could. He seemed to think that it was all about him and what he wanted and made him happy. I unfortunately think this is becoming more and more common.
All these instances are beginning to make me wonder. Is this how we as humans are evolving? Is this the behaviors we are teaching our kids, that it is okay to lie if it makes your life easier? Are we teaching them that it is okay to hurt another person just because you can, so you can feel superior or so you can try to make yourself and others believe you are somehow a victim? It makes me sad and tired. It also makes me less optimistic that I will ever again have a strong loving relationship with someone because people aren’t willing to do the work involved in building a healthy and happy relationship.
I know, I sound naïve and I’m not. I just find that I have less and less tolerance for people who lie, who treat others badly and particularly when they do so to people they claimed to have loved. You want out of your relationship or your marriage? Okay, go. You don’t need to leave your ex destitute financially or emotionally, because even though you might think so now, it really won’t make you feel better in the end. In trying, you are only prolonging the fight and if you want out so badly why would you want to do that? You want out, go and start your life again and let your ex do the same. Truly, in all the effort you put in to making your ex feel miserable you are only making yourself miserable too.
Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox. To my friends who are enduring it, I am sorry for you. I hope that the fight ends soon so that you can grieve then begin to heal.
Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead an hour. Best thing – we are only a week away from Spring, yippppeeee!!!